the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
