If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
