Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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