before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
