I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
