he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
