cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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