He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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