He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
