get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
