i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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