this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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