ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
