You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
