if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
