we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
