Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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