What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
