No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
