I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
