I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
