we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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