I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize