Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
