I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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