Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize