You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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