I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
