Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
