you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
