I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
