I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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