YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I deserve this hangover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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