no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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