Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She even gives head with a lisp.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
