yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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