I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
