I wish I could punch you in the face.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
