Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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