Can i not drive my cunt home
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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