In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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