sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
