i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
