New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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