She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
