Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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