3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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