I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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