from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
