I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
