discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
