she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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