Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
as a side note pls kill me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
