I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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