Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
