We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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