I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
