The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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