Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
