all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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