dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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