half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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