Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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