I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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