My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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