Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
