Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize